Today I received a rather abrupt email that ended in the words:
"I was always told that I was born with very few eggs and that's why I went through POF. As a result, my ovaries became small. Did I/they miss something? Thoughts?"
I have just finished writing my response and after sending it, I started to wonder - am I in stage 1 denial and is she in stage 2 anger?
Here's my response:
"When I hear the 'theory' that women are born with a finite number of eggs and that when they run out, it's all over for them (in terms of procreation), I get a deep feeling saying 'that just doesn't make sense'.
Perhaps Christopher Columbus had the same gut feeling when he sailed out into a world that was supposedly flat.
I just don't buy it, it seems illogical when you look at how procreation works in nature. I have seen apparently infertile plants (i.e. grape vines and two lemon trees) unable to bear fruit for years and years and years, suddenly bud and sprout fruit again (as a result of careful nurturing and a change in their conditions).
This is what makes me think there's something else going on in our bodies that human beings haven't quite figured out yet. There's already evidence of POF women who've had shrivelled up ovaries and /or no visible follicles in ultrasound that go on to have babies. This in itself negates the theory.
A friend that I met via a POF support website nine years ago is a living breathing example of this (as are her two miracles born a few years apart). I think it's just a matter of time before we read an article that says science has been getting that one wrong.
It's only my view, but it is my view.
In the meantime, I think it's really important to be supportive of those who are in the early stages of their POF journey... all I'm saying is that we have to be sensitive to them and their feelings.
For many the diagnosis will be like the death of their babies, for they would have imagined them, dreamed of them and named them (I know I did). I understand there are other ways of becoming a parent and that it takes more than a biological link that makes you a mother. I know all that and I get it. But it wasn't an overnight insight.
It took me time to get over the devastation and initial sense of loss when I first received the news and I'm sure there are many women who are still in that devastation stage. That's who I'm appealing to."
So today is dedicated to all those who are in the anger stage of their grieving. Whether that's you, or reminds you of the unspoken anger you once felt - please feel free to express yourself below. Today is about you.
Until tomorrow, create space to vent anger - it is better out than in.