Thursday, 11 March 2010

From hippo to gazelle

I've been attracting a great deal of interesting, insightful and stirring feedback over the last few days... particularly in reference to feeling like a hippo, which really struck me (the comments, not the hippo).

The general consensus was that I was being too hard on myself and that I would only continue to attract things that made me unhappy if I kept putting those thoughts 'out there'... and this blog is OUT THERE!

My response to that is; Project Grace 2010 is providing me a forum to air my thoughts and feelings honestly as I go through this transformational journey to the big '4-0'. I am not censoring myself. I am being authentically me as I tread this path.

Sadly, being me means that at times I am hard on myself. I can berate myself so heavily that I truly struggle to get out of bed. I have more days like that than I care to admit... and by not admitting it, I suffer alone and in silence.

Interestingly my recent 'down day' was short lived, which is great considering the genesis of this project sprung out of a series of 'down weeks'. Having discussed my state openly gave me freedom. Sharing it with you gave me perspective. Before long I was able to laugh at myself... in a way that is healthy - not brutal... and move on.

I was back at the gym early today and I felt brilliant. Physiologically I could not have changed all that much in two days, but emotionally I have. I did not feel like a hippo, I felt like a gazelle - and the floor-to-ceiling mirrors were also kind as they showed me someone who looked fabulous.

How we feel about ourselves is a state of mind. No matter what our age, height, weight, looks, wealth, health, education, intellect or abilities - it's what we tell ourselves about ourselves that shape our views.

I can't help wondering... had I refrained from being honest with you, how much more of my soul would I have eroded with these self-loathing judgements ...?

Thank you for emailing, messaging, commenting and phoning to tell me that I'm not as bad as I think I am. Thank you for sticking up for me when all I wanted to do was beat me. Thank you for reminding me why I am good enough to have you in my life. Thank you. Thank you.

Until tomorrow,
Grace xx

ps. I was instructed to stop posting 'fat ugly' photos of me and 3-tonne bovines. Instead, I am to post nothing but beautiful, inspiring pictures of the way I visualise myself to be. I was also encouraged to use Photoshop in order to create positive images. Well if that's not waving a red flag to a bull I don't know what is. Knowing my whacky sense of humour ... I just COULDN'T resist the temptation (see pic). In the words of Cher, "If I could turn back time, if I could find a way..." Say no more.

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  1. I much prefer this line of “thin-king“ darling! I agree with you about the gym thing - that one or two sessions leaves you feeling in a more positive frame of mind about yourself - even though results are probably not showing in those damn mirrors just yet- the tricky thing about weight is - the bloody battle is mostly in our heads and what we are told is "beautiful" - I prefer those African tribes that love a woman of the saggy boob – the saggier the sexier!! Some tribes even find attached earlobes the oh-la-la of the lusting world – so much more civilised and interesting then Victoria Beckham and the gaggle of food avoiders we westerners idolise!

    Loves ya

  2. Dimity, so true. In fact you inspired the theme for my next blog post xx


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