Sometimes life throws us curve balls. Just when we think we're on the right track, everything is chugging along nicely - we hit a bump in the road.I have hit such a bump.
Though my injured right butt cheek's recovering, it's feeling 'fragile'... and so, it seems, is my spirit.
After flying high on the wings of empowerment and 'getting my shit together' - here I find myself feeling lost once more.
How can this be?
Then I realised that a recovering human spirit is not unlike a recovering addict... and a recovering butt cheek.
Like an addict, I had damaged my spirit (and consequently my body) by becoming hooked on abusing myself. My poisons were; harsh self criticism and 'illicit foods' (for me that stands for anything with a high Glycemic Index, as I'm bordering insulin resistance).
Since embarking on Project Grace 2010, I've enjoyed the benefits of being 'clean' - free of damaging toxic thoughts and actions. However I have found the demons are quick to raise their ugly heads as soon as an opportunity presents itself.
This time something is different.
This time, I know I have a choice.
Instead of heading down that dark road to self-hatred, I am choosing something else.
I am choosing to say: It's okay...
It's okay to have a setback - it's not the end of the road. You're not a bad person. Your recovering spirit is as fragile as your recovering butt - handle with care and you'll soon be over it.
And with that I sign off with a smile and the words of Katherine Scarlett O'Hara.
"After all... tomorrow is another day"
Until then,
Grace xx
ps. BTW Will's been a little distant, though (thankfully) hasn't completely abandoned me. It's a bit like being in the presence of somebody too busy SMS'ing someone else to notice you've tripped up and could do with a little assistance. You can be sure that I'll be having a word with Will Power as soon as I've hit 'publish post'.
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I am an Olympic starter when it comes to making changes in my life. My gym card swiped 5 times a week, low gi foods only adorn my trolley and I positively reinforce myself into a shining bright white light of achievement and wholesomeness.
ReplyDeleteThen a small setback and I plunge into familiar murky dark self abusive chat usually lubricated by a bottle of something grape based.
Learning about the beigey grey bit in the middle where things are great sometimes, a bit bad others, but generally pretty good and allowing myself to exist within those two extremes has been, and continues to be my greatest personal challenge of all.
Be kind to thyself Grace. And bravely defend fragile but incredible you against those nasty demons.
xxx
I totally relate to your 'Olympic starter' comment - me too! My gran in-law goes back tomorrow, my butt has healed, and I plan to get back on the wagon of demon-slaying!
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what Grace - to have a set"back"...you have to be moving forward!
ReplyDeleteWhen I started the journey of recovery from my own brand of addiction, someone said to me that it's not about the little ups and downs, it's the overall trend line that matters...and yours is definitely going up!
Jess xxx
I LOVE the overall trend idea - BRILLIANT! Has got me thinking about a future blog post... Thanks Jess ;-) x
ReplyDelete