I arrived at the gym with my free pass in hand to 'sample' what was on offer and then it started - that disconnected feeling...
On the inside, I was feeling positive - but then I caught sight of myself in the wall of mirror and I looked like a walrus out of water.
How can I feel one way and look another...?
After overheating, uhem, warming up on the cardio equipment I made way to the labyrinth of weights. This was once my domain, I reigned over it, I was the Queen and I loved it.
Now it terrified me.
As I looked around I was sure that I resembled those little kids that get lost in shopping aisles, "I want my mummy" (for my American and Canadian readers, all two of you, we say Mum, not Mom).
I opted for the free weights and did some simple upper body exercises. I strategically stood in front of the mirror so my face was covered by an A4 'Please return weights after use' sign.
As I stood watching my technique (I'm a stickler for that) I noticed the muscles twitching under the skin of my shoulders and for a split second - I saw me.
The me that LOVED going to the gym and pumping iron, the me that got so strong, became so lean and so toned that Guy Leech (yes, the Guy Leech - Ironman champion and my 80's heartthrob) once said "wow, you've got great calves"... but alas, just as quickly as it came, it went away. I was lost again. Lost in the shroud of my blubbery flesh.
At the end I was fighting with myself - what to do? And then I remembered Project Grace 2010 - and despite all my fears, worries and over thinking, I said "Phuck it, I'll do it anyway" and signed up for a 12-month membership (Pat said softening the 'F' word would make this blog more palatable for sensitive readers).
So that's it. Day 1 complete.
I have an appointment with Vince in an hour where we'll be doing an assessment (yikes!) and discuss my goals so he can devise a program. Vince is also training one of the current contestants of The Biggest Loser, which I find rather uncanny, seeing how I was runner up in a body transformation competition 7 and a half years ago (see photo). Perhaps the universe has brought us together for a reason...? I'm interested to see how it unfolds before me.
Thanks for reading and to everyone who has commented and sent me emails and Facebook messages - WOW! Thank you for making me feel like I'm someone worth finding!
Love and hugs,