Could I be buried in me?

Project Grace 2010 was not intended to be a weight-loss blog - though it may look that way. But hey, it's only Day 3 and I have 8 months to go... so bear with me.

The point of all this is not just about finding my old self... it's about reconnecting with the me that I love and respect... and bringing all that into the present moment... and going forward.

So I set about on this journey to retrace the steps where I remember the old Grace once loved... and the gym was such a place.

I first stepped foot in a gym at the tender age of 20 and had a crush on the aerobics instructor Danny. I had a boyfriend at the time, so it was strictly 'look but don't touch' - what a feast for the eyes Danny turned out to be.

Soon after I left for London and didn't step back in a gym till I was about 25. This time I lusted after the bodies of women... I wanted to look like them, be like them. So after months of sweating it out, I sculpted a beautiful body - one that my husband Patrick fell in love with all those years ago.

That gym was my all time favourite but it closed down... and that's when I got 'lost'.

Though I've joined a number of gyms since then, none of them had the vibe. It was like being in a relationship where you didn't love your partner, but thought it would be good to stick it out. It was a loveless arrangement.

My sedentary lifestyle combined with comfort eating (especially after the death of loved ones) and my aversion to loveless gymnasiums soon transformed me into someone I didn't recognise.

Then 2 years ago I had a scan (see photo)... and I discovered that lying deep beneath my fat tissue is me!

Could it be that I'm not lost - I'm just buried...?

Is this project more about excavation rather than location?

When I hear myself laughing, it seems as though it comes from the same place as it always has. Is that the voice of the real me buried deep inside?

Is that where I should start looking?

I'm off to meet a friend now - he's a professional opera singer doing a recording here. He's based in Vienna and lives a thrilling life travelling the world, touching people with his magnificent voice. Maybe he might give me some insight about this.

Until tomorrow, ciao for now.

Love and hugs,

Grace

ps. Guy Leech was right about those calves - wow wee!