Today marks one week since I revealed my premature menopause diagnosis (aka POF and POI).Writing about it was one of the most difficult, yet liberating actions I have taken since embarking on Project Grace 2010. It left me feeling exposed and emotionally vulnerable.
My decision to dedicate the next five days to each stage of grief was to help overcome this feeling of being totally naked in front of the world (all three of you), as well as providing a supportive, loving and inspiring space for those currently grieving.
At first I was bothered by the lack of participation on what I'd hoped would be a global conversation. Then I learned something.
It turns out that many people I know are mourning all kinds of losses outside of my implied subject of infertility. Demised friendships, broken relationships, betrayal, end of marriages, lost custody of children, heartbreaking miscarriages and deaths of loved ones.
Each could relate to the sense of grief and loss. Each sought comfort and consolation. But no one wanted to share it publicly.
Why?
I wonder...
Perhaps exposing our raw feelings is not unlike being naked. Some people can happily prance about in their birthday suits in front of complete strangers (life models, nudists, performing artists, porn stars and streakers on a football field), however for many the thought is inconceivable.
There is both vulnerability and strength in being able to stand nude in front of others. And by nude, I mean physically (no clothes), emotionally (no bull$hit), and metaphorically (no make up). I've had my fair share of nudity - both literally and figuratively - and I'm okay with it. Yes it's uncomfortable at first, but the overall feeling of freedom far outweighs any initial concern or discomfort.
Until tomorrow, where in life can you get naked?
Grace xx
PS. If a. you love me, b. love my blog, c. love this post or d. all of the above - please share it (i.e. post it on your Facebook wall).
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If you are, you should not be disappointed in any way about the amount of responses or comments. Your journey is the one you have been posting. Other people are dealing with their issues in just the way they wish to deal with them, whether they are prepared to share it with you, me and another 40 odd strangers, or whether they are just prepared to let your blog entries wash over their souls, and touch them in a subtle way and not respond. I know the feeling you might be having right now-I can imagine me standing on a stage, singing a great aria and putting my heart and soul into something and then the audience just sitting there, giving what I think is no reaction-just silence. This is your journey, and you don't need the audience. Your blog followers are reading your entries and they are reacting. People react to inspired work. Basta.
ReplyDeleteAs a woman, as someone who has experienced some of what you have, let me first say i TOTALLY understand the NEED for the conversation, for the openness, for the human contact of knowing you're not alone! Oh gosh Grace that I could be, or someone could be for you what you were for me in those darkest of hours! YOU were my light, you were the voice of HOPE, you held my hand and told me it would be ok. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER for standing there naked with me! SOrry, I don't check this as much as I should! I am going to have to go back now and read the last week's posts.
ReplyDeleteBut I am all about being emotionally naked, I prance my naked emotions all over the place! But for humanity's sake I am a tad more reserved when it comes to physically being naked. I like me some clothes. :)
xoxoxxo