Build a bridge and get over it (rant)

There's a popular saying at the moment that really gets on my nerves, and that is "Build a bridge and get over it."

My answer to that is "No, no, NO!"

I'm afraid that building a metaphorical bridge to get over something is bypassing the problem, and not solving the problem.

Getting through something takes courage, patience and persistence. It is often unpleasant but if you stick with it and pop out the other side, you get an enormous sense of relief.

The next time I hear someone say that inane comment I will answer, "That's a pathetic cop out for wimps. I choose to tackle my problems head on. I do not build bridges to get over things, I use a bulldozer to tackle sh*t and clear my path... and right now, you're standing in the way!"

SO THERE! (sigh) Relief.

I feel so much better now.

Until tomorrow, allow yourself to rant over things that have been pestering you longer than you care to admit.

Grace xx

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Setting the Record Straight

Today is cleaning up day - setting the record straight so to speak.

Rather than responding to all different comments, emails and Facebook messages, I've decided to do it once - right here, right now - for everyone to read.

1. Yesterday's nude photo of me was in fact Photoshopped (it was supposed to be funny). It's my oversized head atop of another woman's body (wasn't that obvious?).
   
   Said body was chosen because private bits were covered - and I thought it'd give the image a PG rating instead of XXX.
   
   For those who want to see the REAL me naked (and still remain within a PG rating), check out my YouTube video embedded below. It's a photo montage of the day I modelled nude for Australian artist Samantha Lord, and salvaged my self esteem.
   
   
2. My initial upset over the failure to ignite a global conversation to support others going through grief, was largely to do with failing to ignite a global conversation to support others going through grief. I was not upset about having 'no comments' (thankfully that was cured post 'I am revolting').
   
   
3. To Chanel who wrote:
   
   "YOU were my light, you were the voice of HOPE, you held my hand and told me it would be ok. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER for standing there naked with me!"
   
   My first response to you is - YOU are my light, YOU are the voice of hope, thank YOU for reminding me all will be okay. I also love you forever and thank you for standing naked with me.
   
   My second response is yes, I was talking about you. While I am utterly inspired by you and your miracles, I don't reveal the identity of family or friends without consent. You (as in all of you who are reading this right now and have spotted yourself in a story), are more than welcome to reveal yourselves in the comments (not that I'm begging for comments - didn't I say that I was cured?).

Until tomorrow, if records need to be straightened - straighten them.

Grace xx

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Get Naked

Today marks one week since I revealed my premature menopause diagnosis (aka POF and POI).

Writing about it was one of the most difficult, yet liberating actions I have taken since embarking on Project Grace 2010. It left me feeling exposed and emotionally vulnerable.

My decision to dedicate the next five days to each stage of grief was to help overcome this feeling of being totally naked in front of the world (all three of you), as well as providing a supportive, loving and inspiring space for those currently grieving.

At first I was bothered by the lack of participation on what I'd hoped would be a global conversation. Then I learned something.

It turns out that many people I know are mourning all kinds of losses outside of my implied subject of infertility. Demised friendships, broken relationships, betrayal, end of marriages, lost custody of children, heartbreaking miscarriages and deaths of loved ones.

Each could relate to the sense of grief and loss. Each sought comfort and consolation. But no one wanted to share it publicly.

Why?

I wonder...

Perhaps exposing our raw feelings is not unlike being naked. Some people can happily prance about in their birthday suits in front of complete strangers (life models, nudists, performing artists, porn stars and streakers on a football field), however for many the thought is inconceivable.

There is both vulnerability and strength in being able to stand nude in front of others. And by nude, I mean physically (no clothes), emotionally (no bull$hit), and metaphorically (no make up). I've had my fair share of nudity - both literally and figuratively - and I'm okay with it. Yes it's uncomfortable at first, but the overall feeling of freedom far outweighs any initial concern or discomfort.

Until tomorrow, where in life can you get naked?

Grace xx

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Mt. Fabulous At Forty

Today, somebody asked me "What do you do?"

I was keen to blurt out "I'm a Self Expressionist" after my recent occupation declaration (refer to blog). Though, in all honesty, I found saying it so much more difficult than writing it.

Instead, I distilled my current activity into just a few words "I'm taking time out".

I then proceeded to talk about Project Grace 2010. While it might sound like it's 'just a blog' to the unacquainted, it's more than that. Much more.

Project Grace 2010 is a daily commitment that I make 1, to myself and 2, to you.

While my goal is to recreate, redefine and rebuild the me that I want to be (by the time I turn 40), this space is also a forum where I'm free to be me for all to see... and encourage you to be you, even if it's only privately (looks like I've had a bout of Zia Graceism - aka Dr. Seuss-itis).

I am not trying to sell you anything. I'm not trying to convince you of anything. There's nothing secret or sneaky underlying this - there are no ulterior motives*.

This daily act of introspection, reflection and enquiry, combined with inspiration, wisdom and humour, is my method. My way of honouring myself, and preparing me for what is to be my fourth decade.

Though I do not know the altitude or gradient of Mt. Fabulous At Forty, I do know that putting one foot in front of the other will take me there. With each step, I look around and take in the view. I can see where I've come from and look forward to where I'm going to.

Until tomorrow, may there be no mountains high enough or no valleys low enough to keep you from fabulousness.

Grace xx

*BTW, any links to outside websites are to 'fill you in' so you know what I'm talking about. In this instance, there are growing number of readers who don't know me outside of this blog... and maybe saying "Huh? What's Zia Graceism?" - so it's for you. If you are struck by intrigue, you can find out more about me and my alter ego outside of this space.

The Gemini Within

Do you ever feel that you have a split personality?

There's a part of you that's safe, conservative, careful, sensible and, quite frankly, a little dull. You have brilliant ideas, but are too shit scared to do anything about it - like painting the living room wall hot pink, then you settle for sage.

You purchase classic clothing items because they either 'never go out of style' or 'go with everything' - then a few months later, you want to shoot yourself when you can't put a whimsical outfit together. You are reliable, responsible and dead set serious.

You never admit it openly, but you're also a bit of a scrooge.

You really get pissed off over splitting bills when you've only had soft drinks (even though mineral water is triple the price of the house red). You can never leave behind cute hotel shampoo and conditioner bottles, not to mention miniature jam jars (don't laugh boys, we know you can't say no to free bar snacks, despite the high probability of them being contaminated by urine).

Then there's the other part of you... the part that is totally outrageous.

You go shopping with complete abandon and make reckless purchases - like a multi thousand dollar entertainment system with universal remote control (for guess who?) or a petite, totally impractical and hideously overpriced beaded clutch (aka glorified make up bag) that you'll only ever use for weddings, and that's okay, because it looks gorgeous and you simply must have it (lads, your role here is to carry our camera, purse, keys and mobile phone).

You generally like to stay in control, but when you let your hair down - watch out - you are over the top! A loud, flamboyant, colourful and spontaneous risk-taker; you care less about what people think and try harder to make people laugh. You are generous and money is no object.

What you once found terrifying - i.e. a camera, microphone or tambourine (I have a whole story about that) is now your best friend. You become suspiciously better at flirting, playing billiards and speaking a foreign language. You may easily be enticed to cross-dress and, should you ever find yourself in Munich during Oktoberfest, stand on a table and sing 'Ein Prosit' - then piss yourself and end up on YouTube (thankfully that part was not me).

Is it normal to have two completely opposite facets to your personality? And if so, how do we manage it?

When I was in the wine industry, I discovered that drinking was a key that unlocked the playful, liberated and carefree side of me. But since becoming a virtual teetotaller, I found that part of me didn't get out to play much, and consequently I had become rather miserable.

What I'm learning is that yes, it is normal to have two distinct sides to our personalities (perhaps even more). Managing it is simply allowing it to be.

The less we suppress ourselves, the less our need to 'let our hair down' and the less extreme these personality traits are. The key to inner tranquility is to express all facets of our personality, without mood enhancers. It's the bringing together of both sides that gives us balance and a healthy spirit.

Perhaps our focus on being 'adults' has made us forget what it is like to truly have fun and play - and the only thing outrageous is, exactly that.

Until tomorrow, may you celebrate the Gemini within.

Grace xx

What am I?...???

After breaking my butt yesterday (okay, it's not broken - it just feels that way) I went to see a sports masseur to see if the pain could be massaged away (as it turns out, it can't).

I was required to fill in a form for first-time patients. When I got to the question that asked for occupation (I immediately thought of my friend the 'professional opera singer' and had a chuckle to myself) I paused for a long while and wondered...

What am I?...???

I am rather tired of our society's necessity to label people - it's so constrictive.

Whether it be filling in forms or responding to the standard "so what do you do for a crust?" (it's one of the first questions you learn in a new language) I discovered that people are generally not interested in details, they just want a one word answer - a label, if you will.

Lately, I'd been using the label 'author' in the mild hope that it may spark an enthusiastic enquiry into what I'd authored (about a 10% strike rate in written forms - not that impressive - and about a 99% success rate in face to face conversation - better).

But truly, I'm MORE than that!

I'm also a digital creator, marketing director, production manager, event organiser, PR officer, performer, public speaker, graphic designer, copywriter, creative director, strategist, life artist, photographer and not to mention blogger extraordinaire! I am all these things and more.

As my pen hovered above the form, I thought about Project Grace 2010. If I am to create the me I want to be, then I'll start by 'labelling' myself accordingly. So with that, I penned the words: Self Expressionist.

Yes that's right, I am a Self Expressionist!

I occupy my time with all the things that make me ME.

So what is it that makes you YOU?

Are you over the labels that people place on you?

Do you want to create yourself to be what you want to be, rather than continue with what you're expected to be?

Would love to hear from you.

Until tomorrow, express yourself truthfully.

Grace xx

ps. In case you wanted to know more about today's picture (and even if you don't) - it's one of my book characters Nubsy McNoodle - she wanted to know what a Spoodle was, hence all the question marks.