Get Naked

Today marks one week since I revealed my premature menopause diagnosis (aka POF and POI).

Writing about it was one of the most difficult, yet liberating actions I have taken since embarking on Project Grace 2010. It left me feeling exposed and emotionally vulnerable.

My decision to dedicate the next five days to each stage of grief was to help overcome this feeling of being totally naked in front of the world (all three of you), as well as providing a supportive, loving and inspiring space for those currently grieving.

At first I was bothered by the lack of participation on what I'd hoped would be a global conversation. Then I learned something.

It turns out that many people I know are mourning all kinds of losses outside of my implied subject of infertility. Demised friendships, broken relationships, betrayal, end of marriages, lost custody of children, heartbreaking miscarriages and deaths of loved ones.

Each could relate to the sense of grief and loss. Each sought comfort and consolation. But no one wanted to share it publicly.

Why?

I wonder...

Perhaps exposing our raw feelings is not unlike being naked. Some people can happily prance about in their birthday suits in front of complete strangers (life models, nudists, performing artists, porn stars and streakers on a football field), however for many the thought is inconceivable.

There is both vulnerability and strength in being able to stand nude in front of others. And by nude, I mean physically (no clothes), emotionally (no bull$hit), and metaphorically (no make up). I've had my fair share of nudity - both literally and figuratively - and I'm okay with it. Yes it's uncomfortable at first, but the overall feeling of freedom far outweighs any initial concern or discomfort.

Until tomorrow, where in life can you get naked?

Grace xx

PS. If a. you love me, b. love my blog, c. love this post or d. all of the above - please share it (i.e. post it on your Facebook wall).

Honouring those at Stage II - Anger

Today I received a rather abrupt email that ended in the words:

"I was always told that I was born with very few eggs and that's why I went through POF. As a result, my ovaries became small. Did I/they miss something? Thoughts?"

I have just finished writing my response and after sending it, I started to wonder - am I in stage 1 denial and is she in stage 2 anger?

Here's my response:

"When I hear the 'theory' that women are born with a finite number of eggs and that when they run out, it's all over for them (in terms of procreation), I get a deep feeling saying 'that just doesn't make sense'.

Perhaps Christopher Columbus had the same gut feeling when he sailed out into a world that was supposedly flat.

I just don't buy it, it seems illogical when you look at how procreation works in nature. I have seen apparently infertile plants (i.e. grape vines and two lemon trees) unable to bear fruit for years and years and years, suddenly bud and sprout fruit again (as a result of careful nurturing and a change in their conditions).

This is what makes me think there's something else going on in our bodies that human beings haven't quite figured out yet. There's already evidence of POF women who've had shrivelled up ovaries and /or no visible follicles in ultrasound that go on to have babies. This in itself negates the theory.

A friend that I met via a POF support website nine years ago is a living breathing example of this (as are her two miracles born a few years apart). I think it's just a matter of time before we read an article that says science has been getting that one wrong.

It's only my view, but it is my view.

In the meantime, I think it's really important to be supportive of those who are in the early stages of their POF journey... all I'm saying is that we have to be sensitive to them and their feelings.

For many the diagnosis will be like the death of their babies, for they would have imagined them, dreamed of them and named them (I know I did). I understand there are other ways of becoming a parent and that it takes more than a biological link that makes you a mother. I know all that and I get it. But it wasn't an overnight insight.

It took me time to get over the devastation and initial sense of loss when I first received the news and I'm sure there are many women who are still in that devastation stage. That's who I'm appealing to."

So today is dedicated to all those who are in the anger stage of their grieving. Whether that's you, or reminds you of the unspoken anger you once felt - please feel free to express yourself below. Today is about you.

Until tomorrow, create space to vent anger - it is better out than in.

Grace xx