Rock n Roll and the Emergency Oxygen Mantra

There are times in life when I just want to bust loose and let my hair down.

In my former life, that would have meant a big night on the fun juice and murder on the dance floor. However as a borderline teetotaller, letting my hair down means getting out my air guitar and thrashing it out with full constipated facial expressions.

If I were to really break loose, I'd climax by trashing an imaginary hotel room and skidding across a polished floor on my knees (I have indeed mimed outrageous rock concerts with minors, wigs, sans intoxication and with tears of laughter - oh yeah, rock n roll baby).

This desire to burst out into imaginary mayhem usually happens after a spell of feeling constrained. You know - like being a 'good girl' (or boy) by saying the right things, being sensible, highlighting what you 'should' do and defining what you need to do - all the things that mess with your head, kill your spirit and essentially have you feeling dull.

I know, I know, I can almost hear you say "but you've just been to France, Germany, Switzerland, Singapore, Malaysia and done a road trip along the Great Ocean Road, PLUS you've got India (and Bali - I haven't told you about that yet) on the horizon - how does dull enter your vocabulary?"

Truth is, dullness creeps in if I let it.

Having been brought up in a culture where pleasing others is a sure way of avoiding guilt, I find that over time I revert back to this way of being. After all, it is my default setting (you might recall I wrote a post about this called 'Why is it so hard to put yourself first?').

My default setting, when activated, has ways of dulling me. It slowly kills off my mojo and dampens my spirit. It turns me into something I don't want to be. I have discovered that overriding my default setting is like someone learning to write with the opposite hand. Each time they go to pick up a pen, they habitually reach for it with their default hand - therefore they must consciously choose the new hand each time.

For those of us instinctively wanting to put others in front of ourselves, we have to remember the in-flight emergency protocol (which is rapidly becoming my mantra). It is essential that we fit the oxygen mask onto ourselves before helping others. Yes, I know I've said this before and I'm saying it again for all that are hardwired to guilt. We have to repeat this over and over and OVER again so we 'get' it.

I know for one thing, I am a much better person all round when I am not dying inside - and I'm sure that those who surround me are also grateful. If not for my joyfulness, enthusiasm and energy, it'd be because they no longer have to put up with my bad imaginary rock concerts.

Until tomorrow, reduce your need to bust loose with the emergency oxygen mantra.

Grace xx

If you a. love me, b. love my blog, c. love this post or d. all of the above - please SHARE

Stairway to Heaven

This photo is of a typical street in my hometown in Italy. I lovingly call it 'Stairway to Heaven' as that is what it is to me.

It is a relatively unknown village called San Marco in Lamis, which is located in the province of Foggia within the Puglia (Apulia) region.

Okay, technically it's not my hometown (that would be Melbourne) however it is the hometown of my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and many ancestors before me.

After having visited there three times at the ages of 14, 21 and 35, I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with the land of my forefathers.

There's something about connecting with your roots and learning about your heritage, that gives the present moment perspective. I don't know what it is exactly, but it's a feeling. A feeling of love, pride, appreciation and belonging (perhaps that's why I feel free to call it 'my' hometown).

Since embarking on Project Grace 2010 five months ago, I set a course to find me and my mojo. As b-day approaches I realise that nothing was ever lost - it was just hidden. Hidden from me, by me and within me. Each day I am feeling more and more like the Grace I want to be. A Grace that is happy, strong, grateful and found.

This self discovery voyage is not unlike the journey into one's lineage. It's about taking time to reacquaint yourself with everything that makes you, you. It is very much a homecoming.

Our past forms the foundation of our present and when we stop running away from it, we can make peace with it, honour it, love it. Then, unexpectedly, something magic happens. Doors to the future appear.

Right now I am standing on a precipice. I am feeling calm and clear. I am so grateful for my past and hopeful for my future - both of which makes my present moment happy. One might say 'heavenly'. I keep wondering how long this feeling will last. So far so good.

Until tomorrow, don't be scared to go back and find your stairway to heaven.

Grace xx

PS. Click here if you wish to see more of San Marco in Lamis.

If you a. love me, b. love my blog, c. love this post or d. all of the above - please SHARE

Why is it so hard to put yourself first?

I figured this has something to do with my genetic coding.

Descending from Italian heritage, it is beyond impolite to put yourself first. Words like evil, selfish, 'bestia' and 'putana' quickly spring to mind.

Why is it so difficult to put yourself first - is it wrong?

Does this chronic condition erode your soul so slowly that you don't even know it's having an impact on you?

I keep casting my mind back to the in-flight security instructions; fix oxygen mask on yourself before helping others - is this not an instruction for life?

What good are we to anyone if we are dead or dying?

The moment I started Project Grace 2010, I felt empowered. I had established a purpose, one that I was passionate about - to find the lost me before I reach 40 (hey that rhymes!). I became inspired and eagerly anticipated how my days would unfold - how could I challenge myself so I had something juicy to write?

Then I made a 'rule' - not to blog on weekends, thinking that I might lose myself in the process. Ironically, I lost myself because I stopped blogging.

You see, if I'm being honest with myself, the real reason I made this rule was to save my relationships. I thought that focussing on my project 7 days a week could pose a significant threat to the relationship with my husband, my parents, family and friends. I couldn't fathom turning my back on my responsibilities in favour of my blog - not that blogging takes a huge amount of time... but it does take focus and commitment to deliver.

Essentially, my rule translated to "other people are more important than my blog (which as you know is about my project, which is about restoring me) and I need to be available for them during the weekend".

Without realising what I'd done, I had devalued Project Grace 2010 and no longer made it priority - meaning I no longer made me a priority.

I found myself saying "yes" to things I didn't want to say yes to and with each obligatory promise and action, I could feel myself become more tired, uninspired and by the time I climbed into bed last night, I was completely miserable.

So is this how I lost myself?

With this new insight, I will continue to choose making Project Grace 2010 a priority despite my default setting of wanting to put others first (see pic). This is a new realm I am entering, one that is making me squirm on one hand and feel slightly elated on the other.

In the words of the great 80's duo Wham! "CHOOSE LIFE" to which I respond:

To you: "CHOOSE YOU"

To me: "CHOOSE ME"

Until tomorrow...

Love, hugs and freedom of choice,

Grace xx