Bending over backwards & the art of flexibility

If there's one thing that I've learned this last decade is that it pays to be flexible.

Bending over backwards can be rewarding - it can win you a cocktail in a Fijian limbo competition (pictured right, and yes that is me circa 1998), not to mention give you opportunities in life that you could never have imagined.

Having flexibility means you can alter your course to navigate through life's opportunities, detours and roadblocks - however there's an art to it.

Excessive flexibility could translate into not having enough structure. It could pose as many problems as being too rigid. Questioning the degree of my flexibility, is where I'm at right now.

Have I been too flexible? Is my voyage through life's milestones taking much longer than it should? I will be turning 40 in exactly two months time and I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be at this age. No children, no career that I'm passionate about (though lots of little jobs that I am) and no place that feels like home.

Yet on the flip side, I have had so many amazing life experiences that I would not trade for the world. I have little possessions of value, yet my memory bank is rich with priceless treasures and so too are my photo albums. I am also surrounded by those I love and who love me - hence my heart is equally abundant.

I remember having an epiphany when I saw my grandfather in his aged care facility just a few months before he passed. He had nothing left. No possessions other than his clothes and a few photos, no occupation that he was passionate about and no place that felt like home. He did however, have his family, memories and stories. In the end, experiences and the people in his life accounted for more than things.

While I have no intention of departing this earth anytime soon, I am at a crossroads in terms of where I want to go and what I want to do.

On one hand I am completely intoxicated over the thought of being in Europe every summer to host cycling tours and visiting Asia on the way home. Yet on the other, I am wondering that if I don't have any children (my next option would be to pursue adoption), what will become of my maternal love and who will I tell my stories to? Perhaps you reading this blog will do.

Until tomorrow, be sure to find the balance between over-flexibility and rigidity... then tell me about it.

Grace xx

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Project Grace 2010: Day 1

So what it Project Grace 2010?

Good Question.

It's something I came up with this morning while I was wandering around lost... I'm lost... I've lost myself - how is that possible...?

I look in the mirror, I see the shell of me (a rather XXL shell I might add) ... but where am I...? Where have I gone...?

The girl that was so confident, self-assured, fit, healthy, ready to take on the world... where is she...?

Those around me still see her in me... but I can't.

I am paralysed by fear.

What am I afraid of?

This year I turn 40 - but that's not it, that is not what I'm afraid of.

The thought of it, however, got me thinking...

If the average life expectancy for women is around 80ish (courtesy of Google)... then I guess I'm heading for the dreaded mid-life crisis... is that what this is?

To be honest, Project Grace 2010 is a mystery journey. I don't know details. All I know is that I need to find and restore myself before I turn 40... I can't keep going on like this - I AM OVER FEELING LIKE THIS!

I am over feeling disconnected with myself... I'm a walking contradiction (yes, I joined that Facebook Group thanks to my old school friend Sharron).

I am writing this on the 1st day of March in the US... but for Europe, Asia and where I am - Australia (Oz) - it's already the 2nd. However my first act of "Fuck it, I'm doing it anyway," I am taking the liberty of declaring the US time as my project's start date, so here it is in writing:

Day 1: 1st March 2010 (Gosh, I am such a rebel)

Completion Date: 3rd November 2010 (My 40th Birthday)

So that's it... project underway... I'm off to check out a new gym that's opened up nearby. Hopefully hiding in some corner, I might find a part of me that I lost along the way.

Ciao for now,

Grace :-)