Not so alien after all

Firstly, a great big thank you to all the comments, emails and personal messages after yesterday's comeback post.

It was such a big realisation for me to learn just how much blogging has positively affected my life... and a bigger realisation to discover how much it also touches yours. Very humbling.

I'd love this space to become more interactive and perhaps I can respond to things that you might be interested in knowing about me, my life, what I've learned, what amuses me, humbles me, scares me, annoys me, uplifts me and empowers me (you get my drift).

You might want to ask questions about how I've managed to cope will all the dung AND confetti that life has flung at me. Best experiences. Worst experiences. Travel. Health. Fertility. Anxiety. Depression. Self esteem. Weight issues. Grief. Bigamy (yes you read correctly, bigamy). The list is endless. Whatever you want to know, just ask.

I think if you and I sit down to a virtual cup of coffee, or a smoothie, we'll probably discover that we're not so alien after all.

Until tomorrow, let's start a conversation.

Grace xx

ps. The photo was taken 9 days ago when I went on a Sunday date with my 5 & 11/12th year old nephew. Yes I know it should be 'were here', but there's something nostalgic about writing 'was here'... so that's why I did it at the risk of having taught my nephew poor grammar - tut tut tut.

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Smoke and Mirrors

I think I speak on behalf of most human beings when I say "When we are young, we are most impressionable".

We are, aren't we?

We're eager to light up so we can be as cool and sophisticated as those older than us, despite our initial response being cough, cough, splatter, "yuck!"

We spend hours in front of the mirror with ten different hair products aiming to replicate that impossibly stylish look that is sported by our teen screen idols -not to mention applying layers of make up to hide our blemishes and mask who we really are.

We turn to methods of pulling hairs out by their roots in order to have smooth silky skin for longer, despite the excruciating pain we endure to achieve such carnal beauty. To top it all off we mask our natural youthful aromas by spraying an assortment of scents, everything from cheap all over body deodorants to expensive French perfumes.

If you're lucky, there'll come a time when you meet someone who changes your way of thinking - forever. Such a time occurred in 1992 when I shared a house with six fresh-faced Londoners in the south east borough of Lewisham.

I met a young lad named Alan (pictured) who turned my attention to natural beauty. I was astounded to learn that he did not care for the overwhelming pungency of perfume no matter how expensive it was. He was not repulsed by female bodily hair and he preferred women without make up and overdone hairstyles. Wow.

Having shared the same abode with Alan for some time, I began to relax in my body and feel confident to walk out the door sans make up and avec a few strands of rogue hair. I was no longer ashamed of being natural.

In case you're wondering, Alan and I shared a purely platonic friendship despite the fact that I thought he was rather dishy at the time.

So for those of you who are inspired by the fact that I'm comfortable in my own skin, you now know how I reached that point. And for that, I thank Mr. Alan.

Until tomorrow, give thanks to those who have changed your life for the better.

Grace xx

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Happy 100th Blog Post!

This is my 100th post - can you believe that?

Today also marks 101 days since embarking on Project Grace 2010, which I think is equal cause for celebration, albeit a virtual one.

In case you're thinking this doesn't add up, you might recall I took the first weekend off, then did a catch up post called The Polyfilla.

So how do we virtually celebrate?

We could eat virtual cake and not have to worry about sugar, wheat, gluten, fat, dairy or how high's the GI (Glycemic Index).

We could virtually drink the finest French Champagne - how about Krug? or Louis Cristal? Why not both? We don't have to worry about the price, getting tipsy or waking up with a hangover.

Sometimes it's nice living in this virtual world. Perhaps that's one of the reasons I love blogging so much. Right now you're in my world and I'm in yours. Physically, we could be a gazillion miles away and yet virtually, we couldn't be any closer.

As with all celebrations, it's time to say thank you speeches at the end. I'm all for short speeches, so here goes...

Thank you for joining me on my journey. Thank you for being by my side. Thank you for standing up for me when I was beating myself up. Thank you for showing compassion and love when I was going through hardship. Thank you for your suggestions and ideas. Thank you for contributing and allowing me to realise I am not alone... and that I'm not crazy.

Most of all, thank you for allowing me to be the full spectrum that makes me - Me.

Until tomorrow, and the next hundredth post, thank you for being You.

Grace xx

PS. Since starting Project Grace 2010 I've completed a web design course, studied French level one and two, learnt Bollywood dancing, attained my First Aid certificate and lost over 22cms (8.8inches) from my body. All in all, a great result from such an inspiring project. I leave for France next Monday, which I'm sure will launch an exciting start to the next chapter - the second 100 days.

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From hippo to gazelle

I've been attracting a great deal of interesting, insightful and stirring feedback over the last few days... particularly in reference to feeling like a hippo, which really struck me (the comments, not the hippo).

The general consensus was that I was being too hard on myself and that I would only continue to attract things that made me unhappy if I kept putting those thoughts 'out there'... and this blog is OUT THERE!

My response to that is; Project Grace 2010 is providing me a forum to air my thoughts and feelings honestly as I go through this transformational journey to the big '4-0'. I am not censoring myself. I am being authentically me as I tread this path.

Sadly, being me means that at times I am hard on myself. I can berate myself so heavily that I truly struggle to get out of bed. I have more days like that than I care to admit... and by not admitting it, I suffer alone and in silence.

Interestingly my recent 'down day' was short lived, which is great considering the genesis of this project sprung out of a series of 'down weeks'. Having discussed my state openly gave me freedom. Sharing it with you gave me perspective. Before long I was able to laugh at myself... in a way that is healthy - not brutal... and move on.

I was back at the gym early today and I felt brilliant. Physiologically I could not have changed all that much in two days, but emotionally I have. I did not feel like a hippo, I felt like a gazelle - and the floor-to-ceiling mirrors were also kind as they showed me someone who looked fabulous.

How we feel about ourselves is a state of mind. No matter what our age, height, weight, looks, wealth, health, education, intellect or abilities - it's what we tell ourselves about ourselves that shape our views.

I can't help wondering... had I refrained from being honest with you, how much more of my soul would I have eroded with these self-loathing judgements ...?

Thank you for emailing, messaging, commenting and phoning to tell me that I'm not as bad as I think I am. Thank you for sticking up for me when all I wanted to do was beat me. Thank you for reminding me why I am good enough to have you in my life. Thank you. Thank you.

Until tomorrow,

Grace xx

ps. I was instructed to stop posting 'fat ugly' photos of me and 3-tonne bovines. Instead, I am to post nothing but beautiful, inspiring pictures of the way I visualise myself to be. I was also encouraged to use Photoshop in order to create positive images. Well if that's not waving a red flag to a bull I don't know what is. Knowing my whacky sense of humour ... I just COULDN'T resist the temptation (see pic). In the words of Cher, "If I could turn back time, if I could find a way..." Say no more.